Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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