Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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