Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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