Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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