Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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