Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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