Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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