Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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