Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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