Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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