Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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