Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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