Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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