Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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