Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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