Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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