Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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