Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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