Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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