Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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