Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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