Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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