Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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