Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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