Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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