Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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