Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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