Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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