Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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