Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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