Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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