Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!


GOOD		CRAP

or

I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.


GOOD		CRAP

or

How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.


GOOD		CRAP

or

How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .


GOOD		CRAP

or

Which day do fish hate?

Fryday


GOOD		CRAP

or

How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!


GOOD		CRAP

or

What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.


GOOD		CRAP

or

What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!


GOOD		CRAP

or

Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.


GOOD		CRAP

or

How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.


GOOD		CRAP

or