Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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