Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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