Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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