Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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