Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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