Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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