Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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