Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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