Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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