Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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