Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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