Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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