Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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