Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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