Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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