Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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