Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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