Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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