Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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