Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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