Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.

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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"

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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.

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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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