Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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