Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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