Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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