Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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