Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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