Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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