Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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