Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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