Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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