Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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