Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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