Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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