Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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