Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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