Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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