Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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