Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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