Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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