Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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