Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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