Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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