Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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