Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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