Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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