Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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