Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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