Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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