Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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