Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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