Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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