Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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