Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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