Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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