Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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