Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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