Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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