Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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