Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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