Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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