Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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