Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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