Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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