Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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