Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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