Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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