Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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