Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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