Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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