Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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