Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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