Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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