Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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