Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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