Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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