Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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