Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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