Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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