Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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