Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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