Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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