Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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