Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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