Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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