Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.

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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.

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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.

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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink

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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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