Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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