Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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