Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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