Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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