Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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