Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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