Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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