Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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