Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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