Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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