Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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