Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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