Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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