Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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