Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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