Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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