Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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