Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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