Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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