Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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