Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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