Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to

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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story

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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.

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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.

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