Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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