Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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