Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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