Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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