Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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