Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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