Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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