Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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