Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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