Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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