Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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