Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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