Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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