Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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