Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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