Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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