Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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