Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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