Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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