Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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