Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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