Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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