Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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