Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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