Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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