Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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