Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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