Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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