Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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