Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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