Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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