Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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