Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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