Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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