Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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