Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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