Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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