Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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