Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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