Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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