Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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