Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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