Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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