Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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