Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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