Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

One hundred and nine. Seven on the Lightbulb Task Force Sub-committee, who report to the 12 on the Lightbulb Task Force, appointed by the 15 on the Trustee Board. Their recommendation is reviewed by the Finance Executive Committee of five, who place it on the agenda of the 18-member Finance Committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to the 27-member Church Board, who appoint another 12-member review committee. If they recommend that the Church Board proceed, a resolution is brought to the Congregational Business Meeting. They appoint another eight-member review committee. If their report to the next Congregational Business Meeting supports the changing of a lightbulb, and the Congregation votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the lightbulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board, who in turn appoint a seven-member committee to find the best price in new lightbulbs. Their recommendation of which hardware is the best buy must then be reviewed by the 23-member Ethics Committee to make certain that this hardware store has no connection to the Disney corporation. They report back to the Trustee Board who then commissions the Trustee in charge of the Janitor to ask him to make the change. By then the janitor discovers that one more light bulb has burned out.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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