Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!

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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.

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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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