Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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