Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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